Reblogged
First four days of fucked up deertober! (created by @murderbeast)
Reblogged punkitt-is-here
me: [posting in the maid gc] yeah my lady screamed at me and threw bottles at my head cus i talked while she was reading her novellas again. any advice
maid 1: poison her
maid 2: yea poison her
maid 3: i have a connect on some really strong untraceable poisons if you want
me: girls she makes me try all of her food before she eats it how am i gonna poison her
maid 1: put it in her mouth while she sleeps
maid 2: ^this. worked like a charm for my sister
maid 3: yeah dm me i have a bunch of techniques that might work
maid 4: have you tried seducing her? maybe she just needs to have her heart warmed so she may show you the kindness you deserve
maid 2: MARY
maid 1: cmon mary
maid 3: just because YOUR lady has sex with you doesn't mean everyone's lady does
me: no wait she does like to put her fingers in my mouth to check if i swallowed her food. and i'm pretty sure she squeezed my ass once
maid 4: yeah exactly. message me i can tell yoy more
maid 3: whatever. if you need the poison just hit me up
maid 5: girls do you know how to get wine out of satin
maid 1: how recent is the spill
maid 5: a few days old
maid 2: you're fucked
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HISTORY OF THE SCHLOND POOFA
At first, Ken feels indifferent towards the Schlond Poofa. The one that came with Barbie’s new car was just a piece of metal to him. After Barbie assembled the car, he carelessly tacked it on without much thought, in a rush to teach her how to drive.
When it fell off the car, Ken was mildly annoyed. Barbie drove off in such a hurry that he didn’t have time to question whether it fell off because he didn’t attach it properly and instead just decided to blame it for being a bad piece of equipment.
He shoved it back on without a second thought before replacing the car’s battery and after it crashed he realised that the Schlond Poofa wasn’t to blame. Still, he was annoyed that the car had crashed and threw it away the minute he got back to the Dreamhouse.
Tawny found the Schlond Poofa and decided to bring it with her to the reunion show. Ken grew quite fond of it after that, keeping it safe in his home.
When it got to the stage that Ken had ordered custom Schlond Poofa-printed bed sheets, Barbie decided that enough was enough.
She hid it where she thought nobody would ever find it - in her revolving countertops. Unfortunately for her, Midge stumbled across it during her first visit to the Dreamhouse.
Barbie relocated the Schlond Poofa to Stacie’s camping bag in the hopes that it would never be found. Stacie unknowingly threw it into the forest while looking for the Schnoggin Wrench and after the Bear drove away in their camper, Barbie forgot to go back to collect it.
Meanwhile, news of Ken’s obsession quickly spread around Malibu like wildfire. After “Me” and “Raquelle” both failed, Raquelle desperately called out “Schlond Poofa” in an attempt to correctly answer the question “who is the love of Ken’s life?” during the I’m Barbie’s BFF game show.
While the other dolls went out to get sherbet, Raquelle instead decided to read up on the Schlond Poofa in the Barbie-pedia that Ken had written. When she discovered just how passionate Ken was about the muffler, she decided to tell Barbie in the hopes that it would break them up.
It had the opposite effect on the sweet natured Barbie and she felt guilty about losing the Schlond Poofa in the woods. Wracked with guilt, she decided the only way to make it up to Ken was to get him the best anniversary present ever.
Luckily, she finds the limited edition golden Schlond Poofa available for purchase and decides the best way to pay back Ken is with a new car.
She welds the golden Schlond Poofa onto Ken’s car extra tight so that it won’t fall off like hers did. Ken is ecstatic with the gift and decides to give it a test drive right away.
Unfortunately, the Schlond Poofa falls off almost instantly and Ken is suddenly struck with the realisation that it was the Schlond Poofa’s fault for falling off Barbie’s car a year ago after all.
Despite all of this, Raquelle continues to use her newfound knowledge of the Schlond Poofa to train her new dog, Brunhilde Ursula von Schnozzle. She reveals the object’s language of origin, German.
What will happen next???????
Reblogged boygirlctommy
remember that minecraft roleplay
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Me: I've been super tired, a nap will help me
My body: You are tired because you haven't eaten for a day and a half. I am conserving energy. Put food in me to wake up.
Me: Haha, silly body. Food is cure for hunger! Nap is cure for tired. I'll take a nap and then I'll feel better.
My body: You are feeling hunger. Feel that signal I'm sending you? Hunger. Put food in me.
Me: I'm too sleepy to think much about hunger. I'll take a nap.
My body: Is it too late to swap? I want to be someone else's body.
Me: A cup of tea will make me feel better
My body: PLEASE learn the difference between "appetite suppressant" and "food".
I love this website. If I'd put this on Facebook I'd get a lot of unhelpful condescending people explaining things that the post already quite clearly states I know ("did you know that if you eat some food, it might help you wake up? Your body needs energy!"). Here, it's just a bunch of people like "Same."
Reblogged ivysbea
I have mutuals who do wonderous things such as like my posts and occasionally reblog them #mymutuals
Reblogged yellowceiling