Epic pals!

Odysseus: You would not believe how hungry I am

Odysseus: *eats food in two bites*

Eurylochus: Woah. Slow down, Odysseus. I've never seen you swallow anything so quickly.

Polites: I have

Odysseus: *chokes on his food*

Diomedes: Polites, you just made Odysseus choke

Polites: *smirks* Again, not the first time

Eurylochus: One meal. Just one meal without the two of you being like this.

Y/N: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.

Diomedes: Marry me

Y/N: Can you cut me some slack, Diomedes? I’m sort of in love.

Diomedes: I’m sorry. But that’s really not my problem.

Y/N: I’m in love with you

Diomedes: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

Diomedes: My hands are cold

Y/N: Here. Let me hold them.

Diomedes: My lips are cold too

Y/N: *covers Diomedes' mouth with her hand*

Diomedes: *comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in his and Y/N's bedroom*

Y/N: Honey. Are you...coming to bed?

Diomedes: No thank you. I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a wife.

Diomedes: *collapses and passes out on the floor*

Y/N: ...

Diomedes: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Y/N!

Y/N: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight

Diomedes: I think I'm falling for you

Y/N: Then get up

Diomedes: Okay. But if you're not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your boyfriend?

Y/N: Dude- it's satire!

Diomedes: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

Y/N: I want to be with you for the rest of my life

Diomedes: Damn. That sounds like a marriage proposal.

Y/N: *getting down on one knee* That's 'cause it is