i had a nap dream that i got a phalloplasty and the results were so incredible that somehow it got out that i had the most beautiful penis in the world (whatever that would mean) and actors started hiring me to be their penis double in films (as if there are a ton of penis closeups in hollywood) and i made a decent living doing it but it was in all my contracts not to say anything so no one knew it wasn’t the actors’ real penises. but then after a few years a journalist noticed and compared all the shots and realized they were all the same penis so she found me and wrote an article for vanity fair. i was thrust into the spotlight and didn’t know how to handle the attention. i got invited to talk about it on a talk show and the host introduced me like “you know his penis…now meet the man!”
Ollie just leapt off of the back of a chair onto my kitchen table to land on the tablecloth and do a cinematically perfect Akira slide across the surface and into my bowl of soup
had a funny interaction with a customer earlier and i think it would be best told in green text format
>be me
>28, generally seen as younger but by how much ranges.
>trans man. especially anxious about passing and my body today because a house mate threw all my binders into the wash and by the time i realized what was happening i had to go to work, binders are soaked, and so i have to get creative with layering and a friends sports bra quick
>work at a burger place, cashier today
>customer is chatting my ear off
>she tells a story about realizing her daughter was pregnant when she was here with her years ago bc she was craving pickles
>me: “oh yeah. my girlfriend gets estrogen shots sometimes and it causes her to crave pickles too.”
>i don’t actually remember if the pickle craving thing is true. sometimes i fabricate incorrect details of memories without realizing it and sometimes i lie to strangers for fun. i don’t remember which happened here.
>woman’s eyes grow wide
>her: “if she’s getting estrogen shots then i suppose she’s not going to get pregnant at any point”
>me: “yeah, no, it’d be a miracle if she got pregnant. i’d be pretty shocked.”
>her, genuinely confused and perhaps concerned: “you look really young to have a girlfriend on estrogen. don’t you want a family?”
>me: O_O ??????
>realize she thinks my trans girlfriend is postmenopausal and that i’m her significantly younger cis male boytoy
Video ID: Weird Al and Eminem sitting in fancy room. Al: I was a little bit nervous about do this interview Eminem: Relax, Guy! I like gay men, you know? Al: That’s great, but, I- I’m not gay. Eminem: I don’t believe that. ID end.
#I think this is a skit they wrote, theyre both in on it.
this is a show weird al did where he took other interviews and edited it together with his parts. everything eminem says is real and unscripted, its just in response to an entirely different conversation.
I wish I had the opposite of a centrifuge for just this jar of tahini specifically
thank you @honestmerchantsailor for my favorite reply to this post. hey chat, should I buy a thousand-dollar lab quality ultrasonic homogenizer to mix my tahini the most it could possibly be mixed, to distress it on an atomic level and create the smoothest tahini known to science
i love when people on the internet get denied stuff and you find the most innovative minds of the generation dedicated to making goddamn sure other people get what they want come hell or high water
that clips of the nazi at University of Washington who starts throwing seig heils and shouting slurs in a gender studies lecture before getting chased outside by THE ENTIRE LECTURE is the funniest shit ive ever seen because 1. they keep releasing more angles of it 2. this happens in their campus square, which is without exaggeration the single largest flat, paved, vacant area i have ever seen that isn’t a parking lot, and 3. it’s like 200 people bearing down on one (1) dude. someone posted an aerial shot and it looks like when you fuck up in the scouting phase of an RTS and accidentally pull aggro from the entire enemy home base
he’s the one in the light blue shirt at the very top
he even posted his own POV this is truly the gift that keeps on giving
ALT
ALT