Leading With Empathy

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

🤏🏼 It takes so little for men to be trusted as leaders 🤏🏼 And it takes so little for women to be questioned as one. When I took my first Senior Director role in Germany, deep in the male-dominated automotive world, my future boss and I had a quiet heart-to-heart. “Jingjin, in this world, women in power are seen in only two ways: The Victim or The Villain. There is no third option, at least not yet. Which one you choose will define your entire leadership path.” I said I’d be a Victor. Naively believing performance alone would protect me. It didn’t. Because Leadership isn’t just about competence. It’s about perception. And perception for women is often rigged. 🔻 Be firm → You're a bitch 🔻 Be soft → You're weak 🔻 Be nurturing → You're not tough enough 🔻 Be assertive → You’re intimidating 🔻 Be collaborative → You lack authority 🔻 Show ambition → You’re self-serving 🔻 Set boundaries → You’re difficult 🔻 Show emotion → You’re unstable Meanwhile, men doing the exact same things? They’re seen as confident, visionary, and decisive. The game isn't fair, but it can be hacked. 💥 Here’s how I’ve learned to play it smarter, not smaller: 1. Stop aiming to be liked. Aim to be trusted.    Likability is a moving target. Respect isn’t.     2. Use duality to your advantage.    Be warm in tone, cold in logic.    Kind in delivery, fierce in boundaries.    That’s power wrapped in emotional intelligence.     3. Make allies before you need them.    Don’t wait until you're under fire.    Visibility without relationship capital = exposure.     4. Own the label, then flip it.    “Yes, I’m intense. That’s how we hit targets others thought were impossible.” Say it before they do, and reclaim it.     👊🏽 We don’t need to lead like men to be effective. But we do need to stop believing the myth that doing good work will be enough. Until we shift the system, we must strategically shape how we're seen within it. So here’s my new leadership mantra: You can care deeply and lead fiercely. You can be emotional and effective. And power isn’t a dirty word, when it’s used to lift others up. What label have you been given that you’re ready to flip? #Leadership #WomenInLeadership #WorkplacePolitics #RealTalk #ExecutivePresence #RewriteTheRules

If “maternal instincts” can save us from AI, why do we punish them in human leaders? Geoffrey Hinton, the “Godfather of AI,” said at a conference this week that we should give AI qualities like care, empathy, and protection—so it won’t take over humanity. Yet new research posted in the Harvard Law School on Corporate Governance today shows women leaders, often expected to show these very traits, are judged more harshly than men. Lead with warmth? You’re seen as less authoritative or under-confident. Lead with authority? You’re dinged for not being warm enough. Women walk a tightrope their male peers rarely face. If AI needs maternal instincts to keep humanity safe, maybe humanity needs them too. The upside? As both a mom and a leader, I do believe it's possible to build workplaces and technology where the qualities we most need are the ones we actually reward. Here's more on Geoffrey Hinton's comments: https://lnkd.in/g_WipE-K? And more on the data on "warm authority" of women CEO's: https://lnkd.in/gQMKENqi

Behind every high performer, there may be a hidden story. In my corporate career, I had the title, the achievements, the image of success. But what no one saw was the mask I wore each day, hiding the anxiety, the burnout, the fear of being seen as anything less than perfect. I spent years pushing through stress, illness, and personal turmoil in environments that rewarded performance over presence and left no room for vulnerability or truth. It nearly broke me. And I know I’m not alone. Here are 5 lessons I learned the hard way - ones every business leader should know: 1. High performance doesn’t equal wellbeing. Your “strongest” team members may be struggling the most. Don't assume resilience equals capacity. 2. If people don’t feel safe to be real, they’ll suffer in silence. Create a culture where authenticity isn’t punished but supported, encouraged, and led from the top. 3. Burnout isn’t a personal failure; it’s a systemic issue. No amount of yoga or time management hacks will fix a toxic culture. Leaders must address the root causes. 4. Success should never come at the cost of someone’s health or humanity. Long hours and constant striving might deliver short-term results, but at what long-term cost? 5. The future of leadership is human. The best leaders are those who lead with empathy, create space for truth, and model what balance, purpose, and wellbeing can actually look like. At Women Rising, we work with organisations committed to changing the way we lead by prioritising authenticity, equity and holistic growth. Because when we support women to lead with purpose, power and wellbeing, everyone rises. 🔗 Learn more: https://lnkd.in/ghAnU8wA #womenrising #leadershipmatters #employeewellbeing #authenticleadership

A senior team leader asked me this in a workshop: “When I focus on being approachable, I feel like I lose control. When I’m strict, I get results but the energy drops.” We unpacked it together as I shared research insight from Amy Cuddy: We judge leaders on two dimensions: ▪️ Warmth (Do you care about me?) ▪️ Competence (Can you lead me?) Without warmth, competence feels threatening. Without competence, warmth feels irrelevant. The trick isn’t choosing one - it’s sequencing: 1. Lead with warmth to open trust. 2. Follow with competence to earn respect. ‼️ BUT for women leaders, this isn’t just sequencing but also navigating the double bind. Show too much warmth → risk being seen as “soft” and incompetent. Show too much competence → risk being called “cold” or “abrasive.” This is where psychological safety 🧠  changes the game. When your team feels safe to speak up, challenge, and make mistakes, you don’t have to work twice as hard to prove you’re both caring and capable - the culture does that for you. 3 ways to balance both trust and respect: 1️⃣ Signal authority through clarity, not volume Be explicit about expectations, priorities, and decision-making rights - this earns respect without creating fear. 2️⃣ Build trust in micro-moments Small acts like asking a genuine question, admitting a small mistake, thanking someone for speaking up compound into lasting warmth. 3️⃣ Pair every standard with support When you raise the bar, also raise the safety net. “I expect us to deliver this and I’ll help remove the obstacles in your way.” 📍 In my Leadership Program: How to Be a Leader Who Builds High-Performing Teams and a Psychologically Safe Culture, I teach leaders how to: - Signal warmth without losing authority - Hold high standards without creating fear - Use psychological safety as a lever for both trust and performance Because when you get this balance right, people don’t just follow you because they have to but they follow you because they want to. P.S.: If you’re a leader, have you found your own way to balance being liked and being respected?

I am (not) your mother, Luke.   Or your sister. Or girlfriend. Or your wife.   I am your boss.   And yet, as a female leader, I often found that my team members unconsciously placed me in a caregiving role. Which triggered in me a need to nurture them, which undermined my authority, and was no good for any of us.   I’m not alone in this. Many of the women leaders I work with in my role as mentor say the same thing. That when they have to make tough decisions, they get reactions that their male equivalents simply don’t have to face.   👩👦 The ‘mother’ role. You’re expected to be nurturing, to provide emotional support and protection. And any criticism may be taken as harsh, like being told off by mummy. 👩 The ‘sister’ role: You’re expected to be friendly, collaborative and fun. Assertiveness can be misread as aggression. 👰♀️ The ‘girlfriend / wife’ role: You’re expected to take on emotional labour, be a supportive ear, or even hand conflict in a soothing manner. These roles are a trap for women in business, where they feel that they have to balance warmth with authority, competence with compassion. And it’s exhausting!   The struggle is real ❌ Women may struggle to progress if they don’t conform to caregiving expectations ❌ Feedback from women leaders is more likely to be taken personally, rather than as professional guidance ❌ Women leaders may try to do it all, fulfilling both emotional and professional expectations – leading to burnout   To avoid this trap, women often try to take on what they perceive as a male archetype – becoming cold and harsh. But that’s not the best way forward. The answer is authenticity. How to be just you ✅ Educate your team and yourself about these biases – knowing about them is the first step to avoiding them ✅ Set boundaries – be clear about professional expectations versus personal involvement ✅ Communicate honestly – don’t feel you have to soften your message, be direct and clear ✅ Support other women – advocate for structures that allow women to lead without having to take on caregiving expectations. It’s time women stopped trying to be everything to everyone and focused on being just the very best version of themselves.   What about you? Are you a female leader who finds herself being put in these boxes? Are you a man working with women who expects them to be the caregivers? Let me know! ⬇️

The Soul in the Folded Towel 9 Housekeeping Lessons in Leadership “Because sometimes, the best leaders carry linen, not laptops”. When I first became General Manager, I believed leadership was about vision decks, strategy , performance reviews, and being on stage during townhalls. Until I met Meera—our senior housekeeping associate. She didn’t lead with volume. She led with value. One day, I saw her folding a towel with such care, it felt like origami. I chuckled and said, “Meera, it’s just a towel.” She looked up, smiled gently, and replied, “Not to the person who needs it tonight.” That moment changed me. It made me realize—leadership is not about being seen. It’s about making others feel seen. Here are 9 leadership lessons Meera taught me—without a single word in a boardroom. 🔹 1. Precision is Empathy She aligned slippers at exactly 45°. “Why?” I asked. She said, “So the guest doesn’t fumble in the morning. Their day should begin with ease.” Leadership is noticing the invisible struggles. 🔹 2. Clean Corners, Clear Conscience She remade an already perfect bed. I said, “It’s fine.” She whispered, “But it’s not mine yet.” True leaders don’t settle for “good enough.” 🔹 3. Service is What You Do When No One’s Watching A long-staying widower once received marigolds every Tuesday. He never knew it was Meera. At checkout, he wept: “Those flowers reminded me of my wife.” Leadership is anonymous kindness. 🔹 4. Pride Wears an Apron When a VIP guest left a thank-you note, Meera tucked it into her uniform like a medal. No posts. No fuss. Just a quiet glow of purpose. 🔹 5. Silence is a Language During a natural Disaster, she left handwritten notes: “The world may be chaotic, but this room is your calm.” She didn’t need meetings. Her service spoke volumes. 🔹 6. The Soul Needs Softness Once, I found her holding a towel and softly saying, “Take care of them.” It wasn’t cloth. It was comfort. 🔹 7. Ritual Builds Reverence She’d touch every room’s doorframe and say, “Let this space bring peace.” It was never just a room to her. It was someone’s sanctuary. 🔹 8. Feedback is in the Fingerprints Her quality check? Fog up the mirror, swipe once. If clean, it passed. She didn’t need dashboards. She had devotion. 🔹 9. Legacy Lives in Linen On her last day, every housekeeper folded towels her way—swan-style. Not because it was required. Because it was respected. Meera never sat at the leadership table. But she led hundreds of lives—from behind a cart and through a folded towel. Today, whenever I check a guest room, I look for that one sign of greatness: A towel folded with soul. Leadership, I learned, isn’t always loud. It’s often quiet, tender, and wrapped in cotton. To all the Meeras out there—thank you. You don’t lead behind. You lead within. #Leadership #Hospitality #EmotionalIntelligence #HousekeepingHeroes #ServiceWithSoul #CX #GRTStories #EmpathyInAction #InvisibleLeadership #FromTheHeart

You walk into the room. You take the right seat. And then—someone starts talking to the man next to you. It happens more often than it should. A friend of mine—an accomplished executive in a male-dominated field—recently shared how she handles this moment. She regularly meets with dignitaries and senior leaders. She takes the appropriate seat across from the most senior decision-maker—because she is the most senior leader from her organization. And yet, too often, the conversation begins with her male colleague beside her. A trusted member of her team, yes—but not the one leading the engagement. Her response? Pure executive presence. She gives her colleague a subtle signal to hold back. She listens. She waits. And then, at the right moment, she steps in—decisively and with clarity. The dynamic shifts. Her leadership is unmistakable. And sometimes, the initial misstep becomes leverage in the conversation. It’s not about ego. It’s about command—about knowing when to speak, how to pivot, and how to lead. I wish moments like this didn’t still happen. But they do. And while I’ve had the privilege of working with men who deeply respect and support women in leadership, we still operate in a world where assumptions linger—and presence must sometimes precede perception. So how do we lead through it—and create a better stage for those rising behind us? We stay sharp. We stay grounded. We lead the room before we speak. For women rising in leadership: 🔹 Let presence precede position. Don’t wait for a title to validate your authority—own the room before anyone asks who’s in charge. 🔹 Empower your team to echo your leadership—without saying a word. Silence, when intentional, can be the strongest show of alignment and respect. 🔹 Turn being underestimated into your competitive edge. When others misread the power dynamic, use the moment to reposition—and redefine—the conversation. We’re not just here to be included. We’re here to set new standards. And if we do this right—those coming next won’t have to prepare for moments like this. They’ll never have to face them at all.

Some of my hardest lessons as a woman executive came from the mistakes I made in sometimes muting my bold, authentic self to try to fit in. Sometimes it was confusing feedback. Sometimes it was a lack of safety. Sometimes it was simply not feeling empowered. And often, it was conditioning and expectations from society, growing up in India. But here is the truth: no one is going to hand you permission to lead as yourself. Have you ever: Softened your message so you would not sound “too direct”? Downplayed an achievement so you would not be called arrogant? Smiled through frustration so you would not be labeled emotional? I have. And every time, it chipped away at my confidence and authority. That is why I share my stories—and why I find books like Likeable Badass so powerful. They remind us that leadership is not about waiting to be allowed. It is about claiming space with authenticity and conviction. Practical shifts that changed how I lead: - Speak without hedging. Say it clearly, without “just” or “I think.” - Own your impact. Visibility is not arrogance - it is stating facts. - Value respect over universal approval. Speak up with courage. - Protect energy. Boundaries are not selfish - they are leadership. - Tell your story before someone else does it differently. The double bind is real. Systems must change. But we can start by refusing to shrink. Lead boldly. Lead unapologetically. 👉 I share more reflections in my latest Substack: https://lnkd.in/gS8dfdqv #WomenInLeadership #LikeableBadass #AuthenticLeadership #BoldLeadership #ExecutivePresence #FutureOfWork

Too often in business, women leaders have a mindset that "there can only be one seat at the table." I myself have experienced that subtle pressure to view others as competition rather than collaborators. But one of the most powerful lessons I've learned at is that true transformative leadership requires us to stop competing and start learning from our peers. Here's what I've discovered: • Experience isn't just vertical.  ↳ The IT leader, finance executive, or sales director: each brings unique perspectives that can enhance your own leadership. • Strong peer networks create a multiplier effect.  ↳ When you can enjoy authentic relationships with the people you work with, you gain a deeper understanding of the business beyond your immediate scope. Humana is a wonderful company as I'm fortunate to work with incredible leaders who model this every day. Whether we're implementing new IT technology or tackling complex healthcare industry challenges, we recognize that combined expertise leads to better solutions. The strongest transformations happen when we leverage our collective expertise, support each other's growth, and celebrate our diverse strengths. I always remind my peers: not only is there room for all of us at the table - for success, we all need to have a seat at it. #WomenInLeadership #TransformativeLeadership